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Hi...Doub Crest, here. I'm an Intergalactic Intelligence Services Special Agent, on assignment with the Earth Cormorant Division.

My twofold mission is to thwart the Orb Empire's efforts to turn humans into spider food, and to report on current Orb activities and controlled human opeara...operot...opar...dudes and dudettes that do stuff for the Orb. I have difficulty translating Standard Magellanic to Earth languages. I seem to do better with slang.

Cloned Orb forces have disguised themselves as an insignificant species of spider since the 1950s...maybe it was the 1850s. Anyway, it was some kind of 50s.

Currently, I'm in Columbia, South Carolina, United States, watching an elderly couple who are suspected to be what I mentioned above - humans controlled by the Orb mind zap thing. The Orb call these people controlled humans, which I suspect is an attempt to lead us astray. They never have sensible names for things.

The other links on this website are for Doub's Blog, Doub's Facebook Page, and Human Stuff you can buy at


A Sample of Orb Humor

Question:  Why the mouse spins?

Answer:  Because the faster the much.

Now I ask you, is there any doubt in your mind this species is criminally insane?